In my experience, the most profound joy can be birthed from the deepest sadness. The most intense thankfulness from the most intense heartache.
Last week, as I huddled up with my family on Main Street of The Happiest Place On Earth, held my children close, saw my husband's face glow, and watched the most beautiful fireworks I had ever seen in my life I had tears streaming down my face. Like the embarrassing why is that lady crying in public like that? kind of tears. It was not simply because I was happy or that I was at Disney World or that I was exhausted because I had been up since 3:30am or that I was thrilled to be on a one week hiatus from doing laundry, driving my mom-taxi, and homeschooling my kids. As I watched Cinderella's castle turn from pink to purple to blue and listened to the voice from the speakers talk about dreams coming true, my mind was thrown back to points in the last several years that were far from a "dream come true". They were a nightmare. Those of you that know me well know the details. Suffice it to say that the idea of being completely content and totally thankful were something that I seriously doubted I would ever feel again. I had been sad, lonely, desperate. For years. In the last two years, however, the Lord has been restoring me. He has redeemed the things that were lost in a way that I could not have imagined. He has provided in so many ways... He has transformed my heart. Made me thankful and content. He has given me a view of Him and of life that I needed so badly. He has worked in me to teach me about His goodness in all things... even things that don't meet my expectations of "good". He has relieved me from depression that I suffered from for years. He has worked in the life of my husband and me and has given us a desire to work on our marriage in ways that needed to happen for the last 18+ years. He has given our family many of the desires of our hearts and is working on aligning all of our desires with His. He has given me hope.
And that night - our first night at Disney World - as the 5 of us watched the sky light up behind the castle that we had all been literally been dreaming of standing beside for years - I was overwhelmed by the joy that I was feeling. That night, I knew deep in my heart that the intense and wonderful feeling that I was feeling could not have been as intensely wonderful as it was had the previous years not been as intensely hard as they were.
The rest of the week that we spent in Florida was just as much of a dream come true as that first night. It was not perfect by any means, but then my dreams are not that of a perfect life. I am too much of a realist for that. My dreams are mostly made up of the desire to be surrounded by my family. Watching them enjoy themselves and each other... And that happened.
So did a few other things... like a certain 5 year old falling on the ground proclaiming that "this is the worst day ever"... just moments before and/ or after he had proclaimed the exact opposite... several times during our trip. Or older children that complained about having to pose for a photo... "Again?!?". Or a mom that got angry because of that. Or several hours of rain that ruined my "plan" for the day. Oh, there are a whole list of things that were not the typical "dream come true" kind of moments, but that is life. In those moments I was able to (pretty) quickly put things into proper perspective. I was truly able to remain thankful for the opportunity to be in this place that we had prayed for over 6 years to be able to bring our babies.
He provided.
And through it all, He worked in my little bitty life to teach me something huge.
I am so very thankful.
