A Prayer For Today

"All things in me call for my rejection, all things in Thee plead my acceptance."

Last week our worship pastor prayed part of a Puritan prayer that was so beautiful. I have thought of one line from this prayer all week, and it has touched my soul. Yesterday at church we sang a new song called I Cling and this particular line of the prayer was part of it. Again, it stood out to me. This morning as I was thinking about it, I looked up that one line of the Puritan prayer that had been repeating itself in my mind all week and found the prayer in its entirety. It is simply beautiful and speaks exactly what I am thinking about today... hundreds of years later. As I was looking for this, I came across several websites that list many of the Puritan prayers... I think that God has opened my eyes to new things to meditate on today. I have loved all that I have read so far. Here is the prayer that contains the line that has been resonating with me during the last week. I hope it speaks to you too.

Puritan Prayer: The Broken Heart

O LORD,

No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in Thy sight.

Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;

praise has been often praiseless sound; my best services are filthy rags.

Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in Thy appeasing wounds.

Though my sins rise to heaven, Thy merits soar above them;

though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,

Thy righteousness exalts me to Thy throne.

All things in me call for my rejection, all things in Thee plead my acceptance.

I appeal from the throne of perfect justice to Thy throne of boundless grace.

Grant me to hear Thy voice assuring me:

that by Thy stripes I am healed, that Thou wast bruised for my iniquities,

that Thou hast been made sin for me that I might be righteous in Thee,

that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,

buried in the ocean of Thy concealing blood.

I am guilty, but pardoned, lost, but saved,

wandering, but found, sinning, but cleansed.

Give me perpetual broken-heartedness, keep me always clinging to Thy cross,

flood me every moment with descending grace,

open to me the springs of divine knowledge, sparkling like crystal,

flowing clear and unsullied through my wilderness of life.

Catching Up November: "Cooper has something to tell you." 11/28

As we were decorating for Christmas I had gone into my room for a bit, and shortly Corey yelled, "Amy? Where are you? Cooper has something to tell you!" I came into the living room to hear Cooper say, "I asked God into his heart! I am a Christian!" For our Christian family, that is the best news that we could ever hear - that our kids have decided to give their heart to our God and will someday be with us for eternity in heaven. We were so happy for Cooper and thankful to God that He has called our little boy to Himself.

When I asked Cooper how he came to this decision he said that he and Jack were setting up our nativity, and Jack explained to him that we celebrate Christmas because that is when Jesus was born. He then explained to Cooper that there was a reason that Jesus needed to be born - to save us from our sins and make a way for us to be with Him forever in heaven. He asked Cooper if he wanted to go to heaven. Cooper said yes, and Jack led him in a prayer to ask Jesus to come into his heart. It was as easy as that. A child's faith is so amazing! I know that Cooper has a lot of things that he will learn and grow to understand in his walk with Christ, and I am so glad that he is taking the first steps of that journey. And how special that he was guided to the place of beginning that journey by his big brother?!? For that, I am extra thankful.

Thank you, Jesus!

Making More Sense Of It All

Sometimes, I just don't have the words to articulate what I am trying to say... Sometimes, using other people's words seem to help me make more sense of what I am feeling...

So, I just got finished with the post about taking Allie to see Wicked on Broadway. It was an emotional post for me to do - for several reasons. As I pushed the "Publish Post" blog and glanced at my side-bar to see if any of the blogs I read had been updated, I saw that one called Resolved2Worship had. In her post from today, there was a quote that pretty much sums up a lot of what I am feeling right now... and what I felt that night that we were at the Broadway show... and the entire trip to New York City... and in mothering a daughter that is now a teenager, for that matter.

Suddenly, through birthing a daughter, a woman finds herself face to face not only with an infant, a little girl, a woman-to-be, but also with her own unresolved conflicts from the past and her hopes and dreams for the future.... As though experiencing an earthquake, mothers of daughters may find their lives shifted, their deep feelings unearthed, the balance struck in all relationships once again off kilter. ~ Elizabeth Debold and Idelisse Malave

Indeed, I often feel like I am experiencing an earthquake these days. In motherhood and friendship alike, I feel shifted. I am a perpetual ball of unearthed, raw feelings and often feel off kilter. All of these things leads me back to my strong belief that God is using our lives - our relationships, in particular - to refine us for Himself. My undying love for my children has shown me a fraction more of His love for me. The shortcomings that I face daily as their mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend show me more clearly than ever that I am inadequate. He is the only thing that makes me valuable or able to fulfill the jobs that I have before me. I am thankful for the sanctification that I find in all of these relationships and for the chance to experience a life of loving and living and growing because of them.

I have been - and continue to be - changed for good.

Being Stretched

This week I am feeling stretched.

Thankfully, the last little bit of time has not been overwhelming to me. It has been a gift. A respite. It has had its challenges like every life does, but I have felt quite hopeful. Happy. Even content. This week, though, I feel stretched. I feel like God has picked me up and placed me right back in the center of having to be totally dependent on Him. The place that I am always supposed to be, but the place that is nearly impossible to remain. But as the storms are brewing and I can feel my footing slip a bit, I find myself clawing my way back to Him. It's not pretty, but it is happening nonetheless... so there's a bright spot.

There are several things that need to change drastically in our family right now. Some of them are "big" things, some are "small", and all of them are important to those of us that are affected by them. They all take faith and trust in the One that is in control and coming to the realization once again that we are not in control. The place that I find myself today is the place of surrendering to God's sovereign plan for my life and realizing, yet again, that He is not my genie in a bottle that I can manipulate so that I get the things that I want.

I want Him.

That is all.

Just Him.

And to want Him, I must die to myself. My wishes. My comfort zone. And that hurts, and I don't like to hurt. And it is a constant battle of surrender, and I hate battle. And it is uncomfortable, and I am a creature of comfort. But today, I choose to surrender to Him even if I have to do it a gazillion times. Or a gazillion and one times, for that matter. Because He is better than everything else that is out there. His ways don't always make sense, but they are always best, and His best - not mine - is all that I want.

So, today I have spent a lot of time talking to my Heavenly Father... and talking to a dear friend... and blogging... and listening to my new Steven Curtis Chapman CD... and eating my chocolate bar that I got for Christmas.

Because this, among many other things, is what I have to figure out how to do. Again.

Move.

And as much as I am ready to be away from many of the circumstances in the house, I am not ready to uproot my kids again. I am not ready to work like a dog to pack up all that we own. I am not ready to find a new place for us to call home, knowing that it is not a permanent place to raise our family. I am not ready for the fight that will inevitably be coming with the landlord that we have have fought for 2 years. I am not ready... but it is time.

So, today I am being stretched. And it hurts. But I trust Him.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified... for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6