Home

I came across this poem today - on a day that we are all just hanging out at home. I am proud of my little family for that - we like our home. I am not talking about the brick and mortar - although we like that too. I am talking about the feeling that we have when we are together. Just the five of us. We know each other. We are comfortable together. We know that we are different from each other. We know that one of us likes to tell stories, one of us likes time alone, one of us likes to perform for the others, one of us likes to have down time, one of us likes to have somewhere to go.... And while we are not always good at knowing each other in every given moment, we try to. And I think that is what makes us so comfortable being home.

Home Is...
Where you can be silent
and still be heard ...
Where you can ask
and find out who you are ...
Where people laugh with you
about yourself ...
Where sorrow is divided
and joy is multiplied ...

My Rocking Chair

I was just rocking my baby before his nap. We had finished our normal routine of reading books and singing songs, and he was exceptionally snuggly today, so we were just rocking quietly. I got to thinking about all of the good memories I have in that rocking chair. It has seen a lot of things... pastel floral fabric changed to denim, a pregnant mommy stting and dreaming about the baby to come, nursing babies, awake babies, babies that just will not go to sleep, happy babies, crying babies, a crying mommy, and uncountable stories, songs, and prayers. Then I got to thinking about all of the hours that I have spent there in that sacred place. I figured out that between 3 kids, I have spent roughly 5,475 hours in that rocking chair. Although some of those hours were harder than others, I don't regret one of them. Who knew that that lump of wood and fabric would be such a comfort to my soul today?

Retreat

There is nothing on earth that I love more than waking up naturally, drinking coffee outside in a beautiful place, and staying in my pajamas for half the day - while being with the people that I love. This week I got a chance to do that. It was refreshing. Relaxing. Cooper and I joined some friends at their lakehouse near Austin. It was beautiful and lots of fun. Cooper got to play with his friends, Caleb & Carter, and enjoyed his first boat ride, and I got to spend some time with my good friend Jenny. Thank you Steve & Shereda for your wonderful hospitality!

My Kiddos

My "Computer Man" hacked into my computer and posted this picture of the cutest kids on earth. :) Thanks Corey!

I miss you.

How can someone miss something that they have never really had? But I do. It has been three years ago today since I had your tiny body growing inside of mine. Since I saw your little beating heart on that screen and was filled with hope. Since that awful, awful moment that I held you in my hand. You were perfect. You looked just like every picture of a growing baby in the books. But you were different. You were mine. I loved you from the moment I knew that I conceived you. I dreamed a lifetime of dreams for you. When they were all washed away in that sad moment, part of me was washed away too. I have never been the same. I have tried to get back to "normal", but I cannot quit thinking about what you could have been. What you should have been. I am thankful though for the things that your life brought into mine. I am a more compassionate person because of you. I love more deeply because of you. Thank you my dear, sweet baby. I love and miss you. Until heaven...

Overwhelmed

"What does 'overwhelmed' mean?", a little voice asked me from the back seat as I was driving down the road. How interesting, since that is how I was feeling. Overwhelmed. Although as I tried to explain that word to my little guy I was at a loss for words. I didn't know where to start or finish in the explanation of that word. You can be overwhelmed in a good way - like by love or in a not so good way - like by stress. How confusing! Interestingly, that is the same way that I was feeling inside of myself. Confused. When I am overwhelmed I cannot make sense of anything - nothing makes sense.

A funny "Jack Story"

My little buddy was weeks and months behind most of his friends to lose a tooth - much to his dismay. But finally he lost his first one about 2 weeks ago. Before that little tooth fell out, Corey offered him an apple - Jack's usual fruit of choice - to which Jack said, "Dad!!! Don't you remember I have a loose tooth?!? Now apples are my 'worst enemy fruit'!" That boy cracks me up.

Understanding Love

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” Fred Rogers

I always liked that Mr. Rogers!

We fell of the Potty Train.

Okay, when I started this toilet training adventure with my little guy on Tuesday I had every intention of letting us both off the hook if it didn't work. I am a fan of the intensive stay-all-day-in-the-bathroom method and getting it done in one crash course. That worked well for my other two. I am also a fan of waiting until boys are closer to 3 to train them - my baby just tuned 2. But he was exceptionally interested, and hey, the thought crossed my mind that he might be the next boy wonder, so we gave it a whirl. Evidentally, he is just an average little kid - at least in this area. I must admit that I was pretty sad at the thought of my potentially last baby being out of diapers (call me crazy). That is such a big step into boyhood. So I am going to take delight in every time I get to run to Target to buy that little red box of Winnie the Pooh diapers and wait a while to try the underoos on him again.

It is MY blog!

I must say that I am digging this blogging thing. I love that it is my (and your) REAL thoughts - good, bad, and ugly. There is something about being known for who I really am that meets a need in me that nothing else meets. I am a private person - a person with a close inner-circle - and if I ever get the feeling that I am being judged I shut down. Here, though, I feel free to be myself. Hope you like me!

I have to tell you that my 10 year old sometimes thinks that she has now earned the right to mother me. Ummm... But I am still in charge... usually. So yesterday, I wrote the sweetest entry - about her - and I was informed (after many tears) that she would like for me to take it off of my blog. So, if there is anyone wondering about her in the future... yes, I do have great unspeakable moments with her every day, but I will have to stratigically include them in my blogging in the future. I should have known better. She has never been a big fan of the spotlight (just like me), and she is the one that would cry if we applauded her when she was a toddler. We have to be a bit subliminal with our praise. But believe me, I love the heck out of her... even when she is telling me what to do. :)

I am not technical!

Okay, I have been trying to set this blog-thing up for an hour. I just want to put one stinkin' picture of my kids on my page, and I cannot make it work! So you will just have to use your imaginations for now. They're cute. Believe me.

Want to picture one of them being cute? Well, Cooper, the just-2-year-old is a passionate soul. He LOVES the things that he is into at the moment with great passion. Right now his loves are baseball, Elmo & the Wiggles, and his (say it with me) "gee-tar". Yesterday we were in the midst of potty training (more to come on that, I am sure), and he declared (as he often does), "I NEED my gee-tar!" Well, as he searched for his Wiggles-themed, red, "electric" guitar he also found his mini baseball bat. (2 things that are always close at hand) When he came back to my bathroom, he leaned over, sqinted his eyes, and sang whole-heartedly into the end of the baseball bat while he strumed his gee-tar and shook his little bottom... wearing only his Elmo underwear, mind you. He is hillarious!

So, that is it for my first blog. Hopefully, I can find a way to get some pictures on here. You'd think that I have some pull with a live-in-computer-man, but he is currently in bed with a bad back.