Sunday, June 24, 2007

I miss you.

How can someone miss something that they have never really had? But I do. It has been three years ago today since I had your tiny body growing inside of mine. Since I saw your little beating heart on that screen and was filled with hope. Since that awful, awful moment that I held you in my hand. You were perfect. You looked just like every picture of a growing baby in the books. But you were different. You were mine. I loved you from the moment I knew that I conceived you. I dreamed a lifetime of dreams for you. When they were all washed away in that sad moment, part of me was washed away too. I have never been the same. I have tried to get back to "normal", but I cannot quit thinking about what you could have been. What you should have been. I am thankful though for the things that your life brought into mine. I am a more compassionate person because of you. I love more deeply because of you. Thank you my dear, sweet baby. I love and miss you. Until heaven...

4 comments:

Sara said...

Amy,thank you for sharing your little note to your baby.I'm still so sorry!!!And I can't wait to meet that little squirt one day.I love you,and I'm praying for you as I know you're sad!!!

Ila Brook said...

Holding you in my heart....
Brook

Emily said...

I just got back to a computer and caught up on all of your entries, but this one was the sweetest entry of them all. I am so sad for you, I honestly can't imagine what you must feel. I love you and I love all five of your babies. I can't wait to play with the two we never got to meet when we get to heaven. I love you!

Mama Jeannie said...

Oh Lord Jesus; how can something so painful be so beautiful? I think about that little bundle of love at times too Amy, and your other baby gone to that glorious place as well. I know they must be such good buddies. Someday we'll get to know the rest of our family, won't we? Oh happy happy day! I love you so much Amy.

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