Words To Say (or not say) In Times Of Trouble

I read a blog called Light Your World.  It belongs to a family that lost a baby to SIDS recently.  Greg & Nicol Sponberg.  Coincidentally, they are the sister and brother-in-law to a couple that many have come to know.  Todd & Angie Smith.  He is a part of the Christian music group Selah, and she is a wife, mom, and amazing blogger!  She has used her blog to share her life and faith in the most awesome way of anyone that I read!  She began her blog, Bring The Rain, to chronicle their life as they were expecting a baby that was not expected to live long after she was born due to health complications.  That baby's name is Audrey Caroline, and her name and story have touched thousands through her mommy's blog.  Horrifically, the babies of both families died this year.  I cannot imagine what living through that experience would be.  Much less having my sibling go through it at the same time.  Their family has been an amazing witness to the faith that they have in God despite the questions and pain and anger that they also have.  They are real people.  All of them.  There is no sugar-coating.  No holy-pretending.  None of that.  Just real people and a real God.  I love them!  

So... back to my reason for talking about them today.  

Recently on the Sponberg's blog, the dad, Greg, wrote about some things that have been said to them since their tragedy that they won't soon forget and things that they would rather forget. Unfortunately, I am sure that I have been guilty of being the person that has said things in both of those categories.  One of my favorite things that he said is, "As meaningful as words have been, I can't overemphasize the deep and heartfelt way that non-verbal "words" have touched us... a gentle touch, a caring hug, a compassionate look... or someone simply sitting beside us, saying and doing nothing... just being there. Presence is oftentimes as powerful as words and quite possibly more so."

When our family has been in the midst of a trial, I can honestly say that those that said the least amount of words but were available to listen to me work through my pain and confusion without any judgment or exasperation or those that offered a simple encouraging word were the ones that I found the most comfort in.  They were the ones that were used most by God to reach me where I was.  It was not the "Your young.  You can have another baby." from the elder's wife at church or the "At least he's with God now." or the "Boy!  Yall sure have a lot of bad stuff happening to you." or the "God won't give you more than you can bear." or the "At least ...".  After my losses, I often said that I could write a book on the horrible things that people (mostly unintentionally and not maliciously) said.  I don't know that I'll ever really do that, but I did want to recommend these posts for those of you that might find yourself in a position where you are near to someone that is hurting (that would be all of us unless you live in a cave, I think) and might not feel sure what to say or do when you find yourself in that position.  (Which is totally normal, by the way.)  They are words spoken from the heart of someone that knows.  I have learned from them, and I hope that you might to.