Yesterday I heard a story of unconditional love that rivals any that I have ever heard. It is real and it is true, and I am humbly honored to know the people that are the "characters" of this story. They are my family. My sister-in-law & brother-in-law. David & Roxann. Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4:9 Your Honor,
Many of you know that we lost a nephew in October. I have never discussed the details of his accident on my blog out of respect for his family. The pain and loss is real and intense no matter what the facts that surround that night are. Besides - I was not there. I don't know the ins and outs of what happened, and to be honest, it doesn't really matter. The fact is - a son, brother, uncle, grandson, nephew, and friend was lost the day that Gabe passed away.
There are details to the story that I do know, and if I had not received a message from my sister-in-law yesterday, I would continue to keep them private. But to add context to the story of love and mercy that I want to share today, I will share a little bit of where this story began in hopes that I can convey the amazing love that I have witnessed. I want to leave a record for my children of the family that they belong to and of the amazing example of their aunt and uncle that they can follow. In a day and time where most everyone is looking out for number one, and so many are quick to judge and sue and point fingers and hate, I was overwhelmed by this picture of what true unconditional love looks like in the lives of regular people - people like me. I want to share this snapshot in the life of my family that I believe is a kind of love and forgiveness that most people have never witnessed. I want to honor David & Roxann and the God that they have allowed to penetrate their hearts and work miraculously through them in a time where - most logically - they deserve to be the ones that are being shown mercy.
On October 19, 2008 our nephew Gabe was in a car that was being driven by a young man that was his friend. That friend was a person that had made some poor choices, like many people do every day. That night though, the poor choices that he made and the kids that were just having fun cost someone a future and cost a family a broken heart that will not be mended any time soon - probably not until they reach heaven and see their beloved Gabe again.
From the moment that I talked to Roxann on that horrible day in October, I never once sensed anger toward the boy that was driving the car. I have only ever heard loving forgiveness in her voice for him and his family. Within days of the accident he was welcomed into David & Roxann's home, he spoke at Gabe's memorial service, and David & Roxann have gone out of their way to show him that he is loved and forgiven by them. Words are nice and sentiment can be mustered up, but yesterday my brother-in-law stood before a court of law and showed love for this boy in real way. He put action to the words that he and Roxann have spoken for the last 4 1/2 months, and when I heard the words that he spoke to the judge, I was impacted.
I received an email from my sister-in-law while I was at a park with Cooper yesterday, and I literally could not stop crying when I read the record of what David had said in the courtroom just hours before. To see with my own two eyes my beloved family walk out the faith that we all cling to, to watch my little boy slide down the slide and remember my little nephew doing the same thing only "yesterday", to know the most ugly parts of my heart and the truth that I am not sure that I would have the strength or faith or love to do what they have done if someone was responsible for hurting my son... It was an emotional, spiritual, real moment.
All night, I could not "get away from it"... my thoughts about this situation. I asked Roxann if I could write about it, and with her permission I am attempting to share a piece of myself, my family with whom I am so proud to be related, and my sweet nephew Gabe.
We appreciate the place that the courts are placed in when something like this happens. However words whether spoken or written are very powerful things and Roxann and I respectfully and with humbleness disagree with the word homicide in this particular instance.
Roxann and my faith teaches us that our days are numbered and that there is a time for all of us to die. We wish with all of our hearts that Gabe’s time on this earth had been longer. We believe that this tragedy was the way that Gabe died but not why he died.
Roxann and I feel that if S’s punishment results in his future being destroyed that his life as well as Gabe’s will have been lost in this tragic occurrence. Gabe cannot speak for himself but we are quite certain he would not want S's future lost.
Again, our faith enables us to believe Gods word that says “…..the law is fulfilled in love for ones neighbor”. It also says that we shall forgive each other for our transgressions. If we as a Father and Mother the referred to victims, can forgive S certainly the court should show its utmost mercy. Our love for Gabe is without condition and we freely extend that love to S.
Respectfully,
David and Roxann
8 comments:
Wow. I bawled from the first sentence of your post till the last. That's truly the forgiveness of which Jesus speaks. Regardless of what the courts decide for S, your family's words have freed him. Thanks for sharing that - what an act of selflessness in the midst of such pain.
Amazing. Thanks for sharing that. I'm always in awe of people who can extend such forgiveness, and I hope they serve as an inspiration to us all.
Wow... what a great example of God's love and forgiveness. Wouldn't we all like to think we would respond the same way? But the reality of choosing forgiveness seems so much harder. It's just a scenario that's impossible to imagine. And it's so clear that God has carried them through this dark time and given them hope even in the midst of intense pain. You certainly have some amazing in-laws. Thanks for sharing. I've often thought about how they are doing.
Beautiful. Sad. Amazing. I love you!
That shows an amazing amount of grace, strength and courage. As parents, I think it is often easy to be blinded by our own experience and pain--for them to reach beyond that, to think from their lost son's perspective and from God's...that's awe-inspiring. Thank you for sharing--although I hope I'm never in that place, if I am, I hope I remember their courage and try to emulate it!
I am amazed by them. Thank you for sharing their story. You have honored them and inspired me.
Wow.
What sacrifice to extend such love in the midst of deep pain. Isn't that exactly what Jesus did? May the court, the other families involved, and all of us see Jesus in the lives of Roxann and David today. May we press into such perfect love that HE overtakes and changes our lives for eternity. Thank you Roxann and David for your example of love and forgiveness beyond measure. Thank you Amy for retelling this beautiful story. I am blessed and challenged.
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