3 Weeks

Today marks 3 weeks since we lost our sweet nephew Gabe.  It has been a hard, sad three weeks, but we are starting to get our feet under us... We will never move on or be okay with the fact that he is gone, but we are continuing... 

This morning as Corey and I were cooking breakfast I was reminded that this is almost exactly what our Sunday morning looked like 3 weeks ago.  We sat outside and drank coffee, he played his guitar, the kids fought and played and laughed and cried, we cooked and ate a big breakfast. Then the phone rang.  Everything changed.  Instantly.  In that moment this morning, I realized that the song on our CD player was the song that was played at Gabe's funeral that his brother, Danny, wrote and recorded.  The tears flowed down my cheeks as I stood by the stove cooking bacon, and I did not miss God's perfect timing in it all.

Many of you know my sister-in-law, Roxann, or know of her through Corey and me.  This week she wrote the most beautiful letter to the editor of her local newspaper, and I asked her if I could publish it on my blog as well.  For those that want to know how she is - here is a glimpse.  As far as I can tell, she is doing just as one might expect... There are times that the grief is almost too much to bear, but there are also times that I can see God's grace in her life beyond anything that makes sense.  She has handled herself, her family, and her love for Gabe in a way that I cannot even begin to explain in any words besides beautifully.  I am moved to tears each time that I speak to her.  Sometimes they are tears of sadness, but sometimes they are tears of pride and thankfulness for my dear sister.  She has always been someone that I loved and loved to be around, and now - after observing the her handle the most hideous storm of life - I love her even more.

On October 19, 2008 Aaron Gabriel “Gabe” Grammer left this earth.  On that day, time stopped for my family and me and began to move backwards. Back to the last time that we saw Gabe, our last conversations, last kiss, last hug, the last time we said I love you, and the last time we heard it.  As we look back and examine every memory, every happening we see the beautiful picture that was his life. 

 

The nurse that was taking care of us in the hospital when Gabe was born brought him to me after our first night there.  She told me, “This one is special.”  Anyone that met him in the 19 years that followed would tell you the same.

 

When he was 2 years old his very strong will began to be challenged. Even though it was hard to deal with at times, I knew that because of that strong will he would become a strong man one day. I strove to preserve his spirit while at the same time teaching him to use the power that rose up in him for good when he was told he couldn’t do something. A friend of ours shared this thought with us: “I judge a leader by the way they move people when they walk into a room – that was Gabe.” 

 

Gabe was kind, compassionate, and a lover of people.  While looking back at some of his early schoolwork, I found a project that he did where the question was asked, “What makes humans happy?” His list went like this: “Pizza, Family Reunions, Babies, and Jokes”.  Not money, things, or places. It was people even at 8 years old.

 

Community, Gabe would have been a strong and good leader one day because his focus was people.  When the next Gabe Grammer passes through your life and they challenge you and may not fall into step, I hope you will take the opportunity to teach, care for, and direct them as some did for Gabe. We never know how long they will be with us.

 

Gabe loved his family.  He was proud of his brother’s music and looked forward to meeting his new baby niece and watching his brothers wrestle this season. He loved his girl and being with friends. I’m not sure how we are all going to go on without him. God will have to help us. We all loved him so much.  We are going to miss his smile, good nature, and tender heart.  We long for his hugs and to hear his laugh.

 

On October 19, 2008 our friends became a part of our family. We needed you, and you were there for us.  Thank you is too simple a phrase to say to the ones that were there fighting for our Gabe’s life that Sunday morning and to our family that have circled around us and held us up.  Thank you for filling the school gym for Gabe's funeral, and thank you to my brother and to many others who shared some beautiful memories of Gabe that day. The love and compassion from every phone call, every deed, every prayer and every hug was felt and needed.   

 

It was an honor and privilege to have been Gabe’s Mother. Dearest Gabe, “I am living for the day that I’ll hold you again.”

 

Our good friend Joe Winner has started a scholarship fund that will be awarded to a High School Senior in Gabe’s name. The account has been opened at the US Bank Account #103677741508 under the name of “The Aaron Gabriel Grammer Scholarship Fund.” Please contact me at roxanngrammer@yahoo.com for further details.