Remembering Al

Once there was a boy named Allee Wade.  Al had polio as a child, one of his lungs collapsed, he spent tons of time in hospitals, and he was not expected to live to be an adult.  Well, Al - A.W. to his friends - grew up, got married, and had 5 kids.  The 4th of those kids is named Corey.  My husband.  Corey had a very special relationship with his dad.  When I met him, I would say that he even idolized him.  He has great childhood memories of times spent with his dad.  When we started dating, we would go to family reunions and people would call him "Al's boy", and I would see his face light up.  When Corey was 13, his dad passed away.  Not that there is ever a "good time" for a child to lose a parent, but I would have to guess that 13 is about the roughest time for a boy to lose his dad.  

Although it has been many years since Al passed away and the family has adjusted to his absence, there are times that it just hurts that he is not here.  Sometimes I wonder about what it would be like if my kids had gotten to know their Grandpa.  I think about what it would be like if he could have seen Corey become a father to a baby that was named after him.  I think about how cool it would be if he could be a part of the hunting trips that Corey has started taking his son on - like the ones that he remembers his dad taking him on.  I dream about holidays where we could take our kids to Grandma and Grandpa's house and imagine what kind of relationship that he might have with my kids - all 15 of his grandkids for that matter.  I wonder how Corey would be different if he had his dad around, and I long for Al to get to see the man that his little boy became.  I know that he would be proud.  I don't let my mind go there very often, but lately I have thought of him a lot.

It all kind of started a couple of weekends ago at a family wedding.  Corey's cousin's daughter was getting married.  When Corey's Uncle Bob - Al's brother that just happens to look almost identical to him - walked down the aisle with that trademark smile (Corey's got that smile too), I  unexpectedly started to cry.  I had never let my mind go that far... but that night I did.  Bob was getting to see his beautiful grandaughter get married... and she was getting to see him on this very special day of her life.  His smile said everything - how much he loves her, how proud he is of her.  It was a smile that I long for my daughter to see her grandpa flash at her.  My heart ached.  Later I talked to Corey's sister about it, and she had had the same type thoughts.  As her daughter is approaching marriage and motherhood, I am sure that she longs to see her daddy's reaction to it all.

Death is such an interesting thing.  No matter how many millions of people have survived it before us... and no matter how many times we survive it ourselves... and no matter how many years it has been since we have lost our loved ones... it seems that we, as humans, cannot accept that it is part of life.  It always hurts.  A lot.  

So, today as the time of year that he died is upon us, I am thinking about Al.  Wishing that things were different - for Corey, for my kids, for all of us.  I can't wait until that day that we are all together.  I just have a feeling that he will be there to welcome us into heaven with that smile.