My baby is two. I can hardly say it out loud... He will be three in two days. With the other kids, I get all sentimental and "I can't believe that another year has passed." each year on their birthdays, but with this one - the one that seems to be my last - I am really saddened by the crossing of the bridge into 3-year-old-hood. I held him in church last night and cried at the thought that I will probably not ever bring a baby back to this place. I sat outside on our patio and snuggled him this morning and cried some more. I read an Arthur book to him on the couch a while after that and cried again. I can't really wrap my brain around the fact that this is it. The thing that I thought that my life was all about is ending. Maybe. The thing that I waited for all of those years is over. Perhaps. The thing that I love to do and do well is coming to a close. It seems. I am digging my heels in and praying for peace in the midst of this life that I have been given all at the same time. It is hard. Today is hard. Today I am having a hard time surrendering to another's plan or destiny or choices for my life. But for today and tomorrow, I have a 2-year-old. Until Tuesday, I still have that.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
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4 comments:
That is heartbreaking! I am crying. I'm so sorry for the sadness that you're experiencing! I wish could make it all better! You ARE a GREAT mom!!!
Oh Amy, that's hard. As Emma loses her baby cheeks, I'm finding that same pain as well. Praying for peace for us both!
I understand how hard that is ... but you're still a mom and will be forever. Your kids' ages just require different things of you - neat, great, but different things. I'll be praying for you in these next days. :)
I'm sorry you are sad...this makes me sad. I wish that time could freeze. Just yesterday I cried when we were talking about how many kids we will have because I can't think about not having the option of having more kids. I wish that you were not having such a hard day!
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