Was That It?

I have a hard time with the idea that my baby is growing up... I am the first to admit it. Every bridge that we cross on our path to toddlerhood gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. A feeling that I want to turn and run in the other direction on our little path, but of course, that is impossible. Once a bridge is crossed, there is no going back.

I've always been a sappy-mom. A savor-the-moment mom. A hold-on-to-them-while-you-can mom. But this baby... baby #3, the one that I learned to appriciate in a way that I didn't know how to before, perhaps my last baby... is the hardest one to let go - even in the smallest things. This week I realized that he may have crossed one of those bridges on his journey toward big-boyhood without me even directing him to. Without even realizing that he had. This was not just an ordinary "bridge"... it was one that I expected to be a difficult one for him cross. I had actually worried about it often over the last two years.

My Cooper sucks his fingers... well, at least he did. The ring finger and middle finget on his left hand to be specific. Strangers always noticed it. It was unusual. It was distinct. It was sweet! This little habit of his started when he was 3 months old. I tried as hard as I could to get him to take a paci like his older siblings did so that we would not have to break this near-impossible habit to break someday, but he would not have any of that. He was a finger boy! Around 10 months old, his habit evolved. He not only sucked the fingers on his left hand, he wanted to put the fingers of his right hand into someone else's mouth. Mine, in particular. As he got a little older, he would even cry and say "Mommy's Mowwwwth" if I ever tried to make him stop. And I did try to make him stop! It was often very annoying, it made talking difficult for me, and sometimes it was painful as I am a person that gets mouth sores often. I would think, "I can't wait until I can break him of this!"

The problem was, I had no idea how to break him of it. He was stealthy... He could get his fingers into my mouth without me even realizing it. And his own finger-sucking... well, I didn't even know how to begin to tackle that one. And besides, it was his little self-soothing habit, and it was a sweet baby-thing.

Today, I realized that that baby-thing might be gone.

Last week, he got a sore on one of his fingers, and I told him that I thought that it might be from sucking his fingers and that he should try not to do that anymore. After that, I would notice that he would reach for his mouth and would take his fingers out on his own. He would say to me, "I don't want my fingers to hurt." A few times he reached for my mouth, but he ended up just rubbing my chin or putting his hands down all together. I have spied on him to see if he is still doing it... in his bed, in the carseat, while he watched TV, when he is tired... all prime finger-sucking times, but not once have I caught him.

So, I am not 100% sure, but I think that he has completed that stage of babyhood. It all leaves me wondering if that was it. That stage that I thought would last forever. That little bit of babyhood that was still lingering in my boy that is so eager to be big like his brother and sister. Is it gone forever? Was that it? Can somone please stop time for me for a minute?!? I am not ready to move on.

These are the most recent (last?) pictures of Cooper and me snuggling while he sucked his fingers. November 29, 2007