Getting Pushed Down The Waterslide

When I was a little girl there was a small amusement park in my town that had a waterslide. I loved that waterslide... and I was terrified of it... all at the same time. I don't remember the details clearly, but knowing me, I am sure that I WANTED to go down the waterslide by myself, but I was really really scared to. As long as my daddy took me down the slide with him, I was okay. I know that there were many times that I planned to go down alone... but I just couldn't do it. I remember walking back down the hill from the top of the slide in my swimsuit, with my mat, alone, defeated. The big, bad waterslide had won. I was not brave enough to brave it alone. But when I rode down it with my dad, I loved it. I knew that I was safe. It was fun. Every time that we were at the top, about to go down, I would hang on tightly to my dad to make sure that I didn't somehow go down the slide without him. I probably had the same conversation over and over and over with him... " I am scared. Don't let me go. Hold on to me. " So, he did. Until one day... We were at the top of the slide, I excitedly sat down on my mat, and I felt a gentle push on my back from my dad. There was no turning back. I was sliding. Alone. I was so mad at him! I am sure he was only trying to do the right thing for me. Show me that I could do it. Promote some sort of independence in me. But I didn't like it. It was uncomfortable. It was scary.

In retrospect, I am glad that I finally learned how to go down a waterslide, and ride a roller coaster, and dive off of the diving board, and go to the dentist, and roll into the delivery room of a hospital, and walk into my kids' principal's office... the list could go on and on.

I needed a push.

Today, I had to gently push one of my little ones down the waterslide of life, and I have been in turmoil about it all day long. It is so hard to protect your babies from the big bad world at the same time as preparing them for it. To make them feel loved and protected at the same time as teaching them to be independant. To teach them that they can do things successfully on their own... even when they don't think that they want to.

Making the decision to give that push and doing it alone is so scary. Second guessing yourself the whole time that you are gently pushing... that is the hardest part.

I hope that one day, when my little one is blogging or writing a book or talking to a therapist :), or raising my grandbabies, that my intention for everything that I have ever done for my children will be clear. I hope that someday, by God's grace, all of my kids will see that I am trying to give them a good life... and prepare them for a great life. That is my intention.