Sara's Story

                My sister, Sara, is hilarious!  Each year, her Christmas wish list is almost as hilarious as she is!  This is how she says that she comes up with her list… she keeps a list on the computer and every time that she thinks of something that she would like to have, she adds it to the list.  No matter how big or small or flat-out funny it is.  Then, when Christmas comes along she sends out her very eclectic list to everyone.  One year, she had "socks" on her list, and every one of us gave her socks.  She was not as amused as we were.  This year, she had “Outdoor Survival Autobiographies/Biographies” on her list… I am sorry, but that is just hilarious!  What stay-at-home mom has time to read... and if she did, Outdoor Survival Autobiographies?!?!  So with that in mind, I continued reading her list and laughed harder and harder as I went on.  I felt inspired.  I couldn’t just go to Barnes & Noble and get her a random biography, I decided to write one instead.  It includes (in bold) everything that was on her list this year.  If you are not one that knows me or Sara very well, you might be beyond bored if you read beyond this point.  (Please feel free to click-away.)  If you are one of our buds and if you understand the wonderful quirks of my sister… you just might think that this is as funny as we did.

The “Almost” Outdoor Survival Biography of Sara 

By Amy *

 

 

It all began one day as Sara was sitting outside by her chiminea.  She started thinking of her hopes and dreams for her life and realized that she would really love to go on an outdoor adventure.  Not just an everyday-adventure… the kind that they write books about.   She thought to herself, “I must not think about that anymore!  I am a mom now.  Asher needs me.  I need to grow up and settle down.”  She went inside and took a shower and tried clear her mind.  A little later while she was wearing her red velvety sweat suit (that fit her perfectly) and her beautiful blue house shoes, rolling her hair, and listening to her CDs -Natalie Cole, Sons and Daughters, Chris Botti, Carpenters, James Taylor, Norah Jones, symphonies, ballets, etc. (It took her a long time to roll her hair… and thank goodness for the “6 Disk, etc.” CD changer that she had!) As she was putting hot rollers in her hair and singing along with the Carpenters, she heard the wind chime outside of her window. As she listened to the chimes, she began thinking of the hopes and dreams that she had for her life again – the camping, the hiking, the snow-skiing, the water skiing – and she knew that she must abandon her hot rolling right then and there and set out on an adventure…an “outdoor adventure”.  She knew that she could no longer let her life waste away in her recliner, porch swing, or rope hammock (with stand). She must carpe diem!  So, she sprayed a squirt of Amarige on her neck, and she was off… to the kitchen.  She needed to pack a knapsack of goodies for her adventure.  She grabbed all of her favorites: Coconut Meringue Pie, Baby Ruth & Three Musketeer candy bars, and a Vanilla Steamer.  Seeing all of that food reminded her of how hungry she was, so she loaded up and headed to restaurant row.  She passed Macaroni Grill and La Madeleine, but she knew that Salt Grass was the place for her.  She ordered a nice, juicy steak and some Rocky Road ice cream.  Ahhh… now she could begin her adventure.  Oh!  But wait!  She was near the mall and remembered that she had gift cards from Barnes ‘N’ Noble, Borders, Starbucks, Compass, Family Bookstore, Blockbuster, Hastings, Garden Ridge, Hobby Lobby, Kirkland's, American Eagle, Wal-Mart, Target, Ross, clothes stores, and random office supply stores that she needed to spend before she headed to the mountains.  She had a few things that she had really been hoping for that she wanted to spend them on like Chacos (outdoor sandals, size 8) and a puffy vest.  And boy would those things be perfect for her adventure. But first she had to stop by her favorite stores, Gap and Marshall's.  She had heard that they were having a sale on “Beauty and the Beast" & "Lady and the Tramp" DVDs.  Right about then, her phone rang.  It was Beau calling to tell her that he had a nice weekend-away planned for them.  He had bought them tickets to the ballet, a play, and 6 Flags, and they were going to spend one or two nights in a hotel! 

 

Needless to say, Sara abandoned the idea of going on her big adventure, and instead decided to go spend some money!

 

*About the Author ~ Amy  is the older sister of Sara .  She thinks that her sister’s Christmas list was incredibly hilarious and could not resist making fun of it.  While she is one that loves sarcastic humor, she loves her sister even more and wishes her a Merry Christmas. 

Amy resides in Texas with her husband of 15 ½ years, 3 darling, beautiful, wonderful, near-perfect children, and one slightly annoying dog.