Forever Different

This is a post that I read on one of my favorite blogs called still the same girl, and yet. (http://staceykingman.typepad.com/)

I love it. I understand it. I feel it.

"August 03, 2007

different.

One day I woke up different.

I knew I wasn’t the same, but I didn’t know it was “forever different.” I just knew I was not the same as before. And that’s understandable. My father had died. I had seen him. I knew it was true, even though I kept wanting to believe it couldn’t be.

The being different, it seems like it happened overnight. Literally, in at least one obvious way, it did happen overnight.

But, really, it started on April 13. Friday. The day I was given “the news.” It was the news that I was sure had to be wrong, in the same way that my dad being gone has to be wrong. It seems impossible that it could be right or true.

So, anyway, this part of me began changing on April 13. I just didn’t realize that it was forever. The changing. I thought it was just sort of external or something, like a sad jacket or a crying hat I had put on to wear for a period of time.

No.

No. May 30 was the day I made my transformation. And it was not external. It was all the way to the very core of my little-girl heart. I still didn’t know about the forever part. I didn’t know it would change Who I Am forever.

I look the same. I often act the same. But I think very differently.

Some things don’t matter all that much anymore.

Some things matter so, so much more.

{All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16}"